i realise i sort of made a right decision (if it's even a right decision in the first place, to begin with) to not look for a job until it comes my way by some way of chance. looking back at just the past weekend makes me realise how much my family needs my time to help them sort of take on the horrors of the week to come. my brother needs some serious motivation in clearing his room and getting his life in an organised manner. my parents need someone to laugh and talk to when they get home from work (more like comprain but what's the difference haha), do the housework, handle the sometimes unnecessary nonsense that comes by the way, et cetra. i need to catch up with my friends, of whom have been left behind somewhere while i mugged away like there was no tomorrow (yeah right haha) and shut myself up in my little hole in front of the computer writing things like this. i spent almost 2 hours talking to kristen at my front gate, just catching up and talking about anything under the sun (well, moon, it was friday night, like moon tanning, as martin would say). we should really bring foldable chairs there next time or something, i'm getting old. my seriously stressed up s4g members need all the prayers and advice and time that i can give, and i want to do it. my girlfriends need me for erm my nails! as steph did mine today in time for cny haha (oh, and one petal got rubbed off already, so much for being a tai tai the whole week for nail maintenance). and some friends, whom i've been there for them long time, but i need to get to know them better! maybe get inside their heads or something haha. frustrating when you understand but don't understand, but everyone has breathing space. i'm just erm gonna be around (sheesh, micheal learns to rock was during my primary school days). yes, being just there is the best presense ever felt, i shall not be so nosey haha, dang!

and i need to get closer to Him again, closeness with my big Daddy up there.

You speak in so many different ways
None of them ever conventional
You're so silent with Your words
I always strain to listen
And I never fail to hear Your whisper

"Come to me when you are weary
Troubled with the world
In search of silent solitude
With a gentle listening ear
Take you in my great embrace
Hold you high above, in pace
Don't worry, there's a time for rest
Sit beside me, that's the time that I love best."

Too many things to handle
Heavy burdens to bear
Yet in the struggle for the highest goal
My heart, be still and silent
And I hear You say again

"Come to me when you are weary
When the burden's far from light
A need to run, to hear my voice
Amidst the roaring noise
Lead you by the pasture
Come drink with me from the living streams
Leave your burden here below the cross
Walk beside me without worry
I have dealt with all the costs."

I wish I could hear You all my days
Let not all else hide You from my face
My feet will daily walk Your way
My lips will unceasingly sing Your praise
You'll lift me up to the highest place
None will snatch me from Your embrace
On this track of life I'll the race
For I know You'll be there, right in pace

And I always strain to listen
To be silent before Your word
To hear of Your great purpose
And once again I hear You whisper

inspired by sam's email. i never imagined. i shall spare him another one am nonsensical, unorganised reply.