random thought of the day: this moves faster than my life and my written journal, for that matter.

well, so much for employment opportunities. this is actually amazing on hindsight but so very frustrating (even worse than techonology -- note previous entry). i actually got fired before i even started work. when i mentioned this to my mum, she thought i was joking or telling her about some nightmare that i had last night. but so much for putting some of my time into good use. dang, i'm so going to be a maria the rest of my days. brilliant career move, i'll say. getting fired even before i even start working.

well, He is seriously confusing me. when i got the message last night, i thought, okay, that means no more music as a career (i can imagine yingda gesticulating in front of the computer now. by the way, do you need that history help?). maybe partly my fault for pinning the rest of my life and His will for me on something so trivial and unreliable as that, it almost makes me laugh. but i wanted to put my all into it, see how it goes and decide from there. that was the plan. but as of last night, all i saw was ultimate rejection. haha God, you're pretty crushing sometimes sigh.

and i was telling my mum about what i thought, and she laughed. oh well, the emo of the night had worn off after some sleep, and it was kind of a joke i guess. but what she suggested after that surprised me, and it's somehow what i always wanted to do all my life. maybe teach the piano, share the passion, help others in another way (well, teaching was the back-up plan if i couldn't go anywhere after university, which remains yet unseen). and i guess parents are the more reliable indicator of life's path with God's directions.

so is music still an option? yes. is it the option He wants for me? i don't know. just too bad that i can't just make my piano teacher's house my university haha.

well, this also means i'll probably be going down tomorrow to somewhere and try to get some boring / have-to-tahan-grumpy-people service / admin job. i don't know. or maybe i could gain some work experience, teach some piano? maybe even play in my dad's office (oh my, they have a baby grand *drools) just for the fun and joy of music. and brush up my technique at the same time. either way, i need to do something. anything. teach j2s who need help with school work. teach j1s who think they already need help with school work. hinthinthinthinthintgivemesomethingtodo. but looking at things, if i don't earn any quid whatsoever from now till march, then i'll know thailand, the shans and teaching them english is out of question.

God help me. i really want to teach. (looks like that part of the plan's settled then? haha)

oh yes, how could i forget to mention! my wonderful bro just got back from oep, complete with very interesting photos, destroyed shoes and muddy clothes, and he brought back these wonderful copper guitar dangly earrings for me! thanks lots! now, after trying them on, all my other earrings suddenly feel a lot lighter hurhur. but i love them (: just a little less than i love my family and friends (note: not act cute line preeese).

and my big Daddy up there (: